Holding hope. that is becoming a mantra for me. a line that I don’t just say.. I see…
This picture demonstrates it for me.
This is my daddy yesterday when he got out of ICU to be moved to the 7th floor at Erlanger which will become home for what will possibly be the next 60 day (recap in case you are new here, Monday my dad was rushed to Er by ambulance.. found large blood clots in lungs and legs.. should not have survived. then began a crazy journey. Thursday Dad diagnosed with acute leukemia. Thursday evening during a simple surgical procedure had grand Mal seizure, and doctors said a stroke. Doc said would not make it through the night and would be unable to respond to us again.. God said otherwise.. now Dad in oncology unit for aggressive chemo for next 60 days) We got to sneak His precious granddaughter, Baby Hope back there and he held her finger, he held Hope.
There’s more to come . We continue to SHOUT our praise
even when we are hemmed in with troubles
because we know how trouble can develop passionate patience in us
and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue
keeping us alert for whatever God will do next
We cannot round up enough containers to keep everything God generously pours into our lives
through the Holy Spirit
Romans 5:5 (message)
God is teaching me to shout His praise in the middle of the darkest valley. He is there. He is so true to His psalms 23 promises. We walked through the valley of the shadow of death and He comforted us. We actually weren’t just in the shadow.. my Dad walked right up to the door of the shadow of death. And we got to walk to the door of heaven, pound on it through prayer and ask God for a miracle. And God came. Either way I can say, because I have hidden God’s word in my heart– and I believe He is who He says He is, I knew I could ultimately praise Him– no matter how deep the pain and hurt.
Now I am asking God to help me, to help my dad, to help my precious mom (who is a rock and my hero) stand at the door of Hope.
Hosea 2:15 and there I will give her vineyards and make the valley of achor (means trouble)
into a door of hope.
I and my family are experiencing God’s love in this valley of trouble in places in our hearts we didn’t even know existed. God’s love is soo good and it goes deeper still. I am discovering how precious the door of Hope is. Hope is figuring out when the fire God will walk you through it. Not around it. Not over it, but through it.
Hope is seeing God never leave.
Hope is seeing God in ever detail even when you don’t like them.
Hope is God using the body of Christ to love us in ways we could have never asked or imagined.
People keep asking me if I am ok, if I am mad at God?
I will tell you the truth– I don’t like this.. would never wish this journey on MY WORSE ENEMY, would like to never have to have lived/live this nightmare.. that is true.
But also true.. I can’t be mad at my God.
He is to loving, to kind to faithful.
I struggle when people say God did this to bring glory to His name.
That’s hard for me to figure out, to understand, to wrestle with– someday it will all become clear in heaven though I know it.
But what I can get ahold of in my heart is this: God entrusted my family with this for some reason.. so since we are in this battle I want to bring glory to His name. And I in my human self can’t.
So I have to ask Jesus to be close.. real close
So close I hear His heart beat.
So close I am hearing His voice like never before.
And it is beautiful.
And in that process I pray He uses us as He carries us.
Today I was so blessed by this: a janitor that cleans the 8th floor at erlanger stopped me by elevator. She said my name. She said Jenn.. I remember you. I remember your sister michelle.. I remember you dad,your mom. He was here 2 years ago when he had bladder cancer. You guys impacted my life.
WOW.. two years ago and the janitor still remembered us.
I long for that to be the story– God’s glory story.. as we watch my Dad suffer we stand held by the God who ultimately suffered for us. So we will glorify His name.
Even if
Even When
Even as
Praying the same for you and whatever you may be going through right now!
Amazing Jenn. Thank you or sharing !! You are a gifted writer !!! God knows you all can handle this and will provide everything you need to get you through it. Your family is truly an inspiration. Xoxo
Such an amazing testimony…I feel so blessed to know you. Praying with you and for you!
This is beautiful..through your journey and testimony I desire more of Jesus. Love and prayers to you.
Hi,
I have a quick question about your blog, would you mind emailing me when you get a chance?
Thanks,
Cameron
cameronvsj(at)gmail.com