Love and letting go

This blog has been silent for the past few weeks.  It’s weird because it is partly because some really exciting things went on.. like….

All these precious ladies coming for our Bloom conference put on by coming alive ministries.  It truly was an AWESOME experience.  To believe God’s big dreams and to be apart of them– I could not really  find the words to express what that weekend was for me. To see woman set free– come alive– come to Christ– all different ages, all different backgrounds– all experiencing coming away with and coming alive in Christ.. it was BEAUTIFUL.. and as I took the time to process that I was speechless. (i Know big deal for me)

but also this blog has been silent as I have been processing what has been one of the most difficult goodbyes I have ever experienced.. this little guy

(for privacy reasons not showing his face)

Two years ago I fell in love with a calling from God for my sister and her husband , and in the midst of that fell in love with a little boy.  See, my sis and her hubby felt strongly that God had called them to foster care.  As “Aunt nenn” to my beloved Alex, I knew God was also calling me to this foster care journey. I had no idea what an incredible journey of the heart God was going to allow me to be apart of.
I will never forget when they got THE CALL.. the call that a little boy was coming.  They got little information except he had severe medical needs, was 4 years old and as they said he was diagnosed with half of a brain.

I like to call him our little cave man at the time.  He came as a Christmas present the week before christmas. He was four years old and due to severe neglect only knew 3 words: door, afraid, and dinosaur.. He could barely walk, did not know how to feed himself, not poddy trained ect.  That was a CRAZY christmas.   It snowed for the first time in years on christmas and we were all snowed in as a family together!   whew.. some memories were made.
And I fell in love.. deeper and deeper in love. And I spoiled him just like my other nephew.  I was the fourth word He learned to say.. I cried and cried that night as He was “learning to pray the dinner prayer” like alex my other nephew.. he uttered all kinds of incomprehensible words and then he said .. NENN…!  HE prayed for NENN! 
I watched love change His life…  I watched miracle upon miracle.. for the next two years.  I watched my sister and todd love even when it hurt, even when it was HARD.. even when it was a crazy battle full of unknowns, countless hospital and doctor visits, and lots of trials.  I watched them love and him transform.  I saw such a picture of Christ– and unconditional love and the power of having an advocate. 

We made soo many fun memories.  playground dates, donut dates, dinosaur train (his favorite movie) watching dates.  And he had lots of surgeries.. and always wanted his aunt nenn. So I stayed many nights in hospital rooms with my sis and him … including a few heartbreaking ones where they were not sure he would make it in the Pediatric intensive Care.

It was a journey.. a journey of love.  And sometimes in love you have to let go.

Even though we don’t always understand the plan of God.. I know I can always trust His heart.

Last saturday we had to let our little miracle go to a new family– for a lot of reasons not to mentioned here.  And it was the most my heart has ever broken as we dropped him off.  Letting go when you love is HARD.

Maybe there is someone you love deeply that you don’t want to “let go”.  Maybe it’s a son or daughter you feel you have to control or something terrible will happen.  OR a family member.  Or a dream.  or an object, or a job. .. sometimes we are terrified to let go.. and it’s hard because it hurts.

But through this letting go process God has whispered a depth of His love to me.  He understands letting go.  He let go of His son, living in perfect unity with him in heaven, to sent him to earth.. knowing the ultimate trial He would go through– being crucified.  He knew that part of that letting go would involve him being unable to look at his son because His son was taking on our sins.

An incomprehensible letting go!
God let go of His son (:John 3:16) so that He would never have to let go of me.

So no matter what I have to let go of.. I can trust He will never let go of me.
How high, wide , long , deep is that love!

The Lord is so close to the brokenhearted (Psalms 34) because His heart was broken for me and for you!

so let’s be willing to be LOVED deeply by the Love that will never let go!! through the strom and through the rain.. WHOM or what then shall we fear..  When I trust deeply in that LOVE I can let go of my life and trust Him with it….