Peace for Pain and Chocholate Dipped icecream :-)
Linking up with the lovely ladies from http://www.aholyexperience.com/ and http://www.findingheaventoday.blogspot.com/ some of my new favorite blog communities.. please go visit 🙂Also I did a guest post today on Emily’s blog chasing sihouettes.. please go check it out at
http://www.chasingsilhouettes.wordpress.com Thanks guys!
Can I be completely honest. The past six months I have been through some rejection and pain in ministry that has shaken me to the core.. it hurt me more deeply then words could ever express and came from a place that was one of the safest communities to experience God’s love for me in the world. Satan knew the way to attack. I believe that sneaky lying snake does in all of us.. He knew to hit me where it would hurt the most.. having my character, my passion, my ministry calling and my spiritual life attacked. Whew.. I did not see it coming and it took me to my knees. I have battled in spiritual warfare .. I mean for heaven sakes I lived in nepal as a missionary– i knew the familiar feeling of putting on the armor of God and fighting the darkness with His great light. Wasn’t expecting though this attack to the back of me that went from the back of me to the depth of my heart and soul and pierced. Then as I tried to recover there have been holes in my armor which has allowed the enemy to pierce in ways that normally wouldn’t… which led to feeling rejected by people that werent really rejecting me, wondering if God would protect me and provide for me, and feeling like I should never step out in faith in my calling. Whew.. it’s been a journey.. a season.. and I’ll be honest.. I’ve avoided talking to God about it. After all what if He agreed with all this… why didn’t he rescue me from this ect. anyways. Before you think i’m throwing a spiritual pity party let me stop and tell you
I love that we can come to Jesus
bring our load of pain
drop it at his feet
and grab from His nail scarred hands
PEACE!
I had one of those moments tonight. I was worn down and worn out from trying to think what I could have done differently, why I was not enough… would everyone always reject me, should I give up this thing called ministry ect.. and worn down by my own misinterpreations of events since that because of the chinks in my armor.. And so I went to a local state park that required a little bit of a drive with the windows down and praise music playing. I felt Jesus calling me on a date with Him. And I sat at a picnic table and watched the sunset and wrote and wrote and wrote in my prayer journal. I felt Jesus whisper bring your load of pain and drop it at my feet. Quit carrying it.. so I did. I journaled and talked to Jesus about it all.. and dropped every bit of it at his feet.. and you know what He extended to me
His nail scarred hands
which took rejection for me
which were stabbed from a sword through His side
His thorn pressed brow
And He gave me
PEACE
PEACE
And after I took that, I got back in my favorite car given by God to me, Toby the Taurus
and I celebrated that gift of peace with a$ 1.07 chocholate dipped cone from
McDonalds..
And I drove back
windows down
praise music up
icecream cone in hand
pain load deposited!
So for my thankfulness items : 50) Chocholate hard dipped icecream cones from McDonald
51) When I get to suprise my foster nephew and pick him up from school and how He runs dragging his bad leg behind to see Aunt Nenn 52) donut dates with my 3 year old nephew alex.. who constantly asks.. do you love me aunt nenn? I love you 53) watching cooking shows with my mom as she recovers from surgury 54) having my Dad lead worship today 55) meeting with my mentor on friday 56) the fall air 57) that none of my friends were hurt in the earthquake in nepal 58) my church body 59) a pastor who is humble 60) a couple from church taking me out to pizza after church today 61) My Bible study ladies that I get to teach who would drop everything for any member 62) for a week coming up to get to counsel clients God has sent my way 63) driving with the windows down 64) sunsets 65) singleness– right now Jesus is the only one wooing my heart!
How bout you! I love your comments 🙂
Sometimes it is those little things that help turn our eyes away from pain. And besides…that ice cream looks yummy! I"m sorry for the hurt you've been going through, Jenn. It does seem like the devil knows just the right attack tactics. He studies us long. But, that must mean he's afraid of what you are up to, no? Sounds like you are on the right path to me.
Hugs to you.
Wow Jenn, meeting you, you seemed so perfect – but how human you are and that's consoling to another believer as myself. I'm sorry too, that you've walked through these deep, dark valleys. The only certainty I can offer, is that God is ALWAYS with you and so lovingly promises, that He will NEVER leave or forsake you. He can use this that was meant for your harm to your good and ultimately, for His glory. I love you, God bless you, sweet sister in Christ.
I am so glad to meet you, Jenn! I have had those times, wondering how it would all shake out in the end. Even though I was holding my breath over the outcome, I knew His plan, whatever it was, would be the best for me. Love this verse:
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14
And I agree with Laura; God must have awesome plans for you and the enemy wants to keep you from them. Don't. Give. Up.
Love you!
I'm sorry for all the darts Satan has been throwing your way. You know, I have been in missions all my life but have felt more attack the last two years in Southern California than ever before. Maybe we underestimate the ministry we have here in the US. Hang in there.
And now I know two things…I'm off to read more by you at Chasing Silhouttes, and I really, really need a chocolate dipped cone.
I LOVE YOU JENN HAND!!! You are BEAUTIFUL-on the inside AND outside! Your face, your smile, your hugs, your words and your spirit show me the love of Jesus each time I see you…and I am encouraged. So, thank you for shining with Jesus!
Your words have pierced my heart today You made vague reference last semester to some "hard stuff," but I had no idea the degree of pain or rejection you felt. Forgive me for not listening better and for not being there for you as you have walked through the fire. I am so sorry you have been hurt by other believers; it is the worst kind of pain. I love you, sweet friend-I have you in my heart and in my prayers. Jane N
I'm so happy you have Him.
Amazing what we pick up in the act of surrender, in the laying down, He always deposits something far more valuable. So grateful for the time you have had with Him and praying that those holes in your armor are quickly filled. Praying that you find immeasurable peace, knowing both the God you serve and the community of prayer warriors that surrounds you.
Thank you for stopping by my blog today. Sounds like we have the same heartbeat at the moment. I so enjoyed you stopping the fight and listening to praise music. Sometimes I forget to just give it up and receive. Thank you for your encouragement and blessing in your honesty! God Bless
Amen. Thanks!